Mel’s definition of the color purple: a muddy version of “hot pink”

I felt inspired to educate SlightlyKnownPeople.com readers on the dangers of the color fuchsia when I saw a ghastly site in my kick-boxing class at the gym this week. I was working out next to a girl who was wearing a lot of it. This girl had potential with her looks, not a body to die for but still pretty cute, she had long black hair with delicate facial features and striking lips. I say striking because when I looked at her I was struck to the floor by the glare from the deepest, sharpest hot-pink lipstick I had ever seen. Princess Leia wouldn’t be caught dead in this color even after the digital re-mastering. Who puts on makeup to take a class at the gym anyway? To match her lipstick she was wearing a fuchsia scooped neck tank-top which exposed over half of her lacey red bra. (Her breasts were nothing to speak of, since I know all the boys are wondering.) Her gym pants were a deeper shade of fuchsia than her tank-top. Her sneakers were red and she wore pink socks.

Clearly this was not an outfit that she rolled out of bed and put on. Careful planning went into this fashion travesty. Here are my dos and don’ts of the color fuchsia to help you be a better outfit planner than Tacky Gym Princess.

When is Fuchsia NOT Okay?
-When it is on your face in the form of lipstick or eye-shadow.
-When you have fuchsia shoes that match your socks.
-When your bridesmaids are wearing it.
-When you are wearing it on more than one article of clothing.
-When it is in your hair.
-On spandex.
-Almost always.

When is Fuchsia Okay?
-When you are in kindergarten.
-When it’s on your Barbie Dolls.
-When you are dressing up as a Spice Girl for Halloween.
-When you are doing laundry.
-When you are filming a retro-1980s music video.
-Your menstrual cycle underwear.
-Almost never.

NOTE: Above photo is me at my Jr. Prom.
TOPICS FOR FURTHER STUDY:
1. The dangers of renting vintage costumes.
2. The dangers of teenage Andrew Lloyd Webber obsessions.