Little Town of Ireland, Part III

. Narrator:Just one year later on New Year’s Eve, things in the Big Apple were looking up for Danny Boy McCarran, Everhard Boyd and Maggie Delaney. It turned out that the two young Squaws, Night Walker and Chief Cantrell had some real talent after all, so Maggie, Danny Boy and Everhard bought a small theatre hoping to turn a profit. Business was rough to start but after Maggie managed to get her exclusive Irish escort service off the ground the money started rolling in. But, as their small theater, The Rififi Room, started to turn a profit they were confronted by a familiar competitor. Joey Mertzioni was still the lord of the New York underworld.
Mel: Big Joe, from the first two chapters!
Dan: You mean the guy from the docks?
Erik: I love the docks.
Mel: No, this is Big Joe, from the bar, the leader of the Italian Gang. Stu Luthinski was from the docks.
Erik: I love the docks.
Narrator: He was not happy with these new kids on the block. His own all-French escort service had taken a hit since Maggie’s Irish lassies had better hygiene and a monopoly on the red-head fetish industry. His multiple attempts to win the affection and sway the loyalty of Walker & Cantrell, the young and beautiful stars of The RiFiFi Room, had failed miserably.
Erik: You forgot to mention his mind gnawing jealousy over Everhard Boyd’s boyish good looks.
Narrator: I’m glad that you mentioned it. Everhard had always been a handsome young man, but the life of a man in the theatre was aging him and he was drinking more than usual. His face had now grown mangled and worn.
Erik: Wait that’s not in the story, you made that up.
Narrator: I was there, I saw it. And he still remained as short as ever.
Erik: Shut up!
Dan: What’s a RiFiFi room?
Mel: It’s a theater you dumb-dumb.
Dan: But what does it mean?
Erik: I think it’s an STD.
Narrator: Never mind all that. Now, Mertzioni decided something had to be done. He opened his own theatre across the street from The RiFiFi Room. Then he hired an illegal time traveler to bring him a futuristic device called a VCR and video tapes of a futuristic sketch comedy group called Ponty Mython. Playing these videos drew a sophisticated crowd and Mertzioni’s business began to thrive. Thus began The Mertzioni Mythoneria and The RiFiFi Room’s great rivalry.
Dan: That’s a mouthful.
Narrator: On New Years Eve the RiFiFi Room would premiere a new comedy troupe of slightly known repute. What people didn’t know was that Dannyboy, Everhard and Maggie had joined forces, along with two others who were on vacation and created their own headlining group to wow the audiences of New York. A buzz about this new group went round and it was rumored that their material, while not from the future like Ponty Mython, was still way ahead of its time.
Erik: Lightyears ahead.
Dan: Light decades ahead.
Mel: That’s probably why people didn’t always laugh at their amazing jokes. Cause they were so ahead of their time.
Erik: Lightyears ahead.
Dan: Light Decades ahead.
Narrator: Upon hearing this news, Mertizini decided to have it out once and for all with the the Rififi room and all three of the pesky needles in his haystack.
Dan: I think you mean thornes in his side.
Narrator: Shut up. Mertzioni called for a contest with Maggie, Everhard, and Danny Boy on that New Years Eve. He proposed to show a New Year’s eve extravaganza showing all of Ponty Mython’s work, and would pit it against the Rififi Room’s New York Jamboree featuring slides from Grand Canyon, a couple of Native American actresses, , and a Slightly Known group which was comprised of our three heroes, and two others who were on vacation.
Mel: Wait a minute the other two members were on vacation? That’s kind of lame.
Dan: Yeah, if I were Dannyboy, I’d be pissed.
Erik: Wow, how are the three of them even going to pull off an entire show with the material they have?
Narrator: They had to reach back into their catalog and find some old three person stuff. And although slightly annoyed by the absence, the three decided not to let it cause a rift in the group, so they just moved on. Anyway, Mertzioni proposed that whoever’s box office sales for the New Year’s Evening were higher would be the winner and would become the East Village Dons of comedy. The loser would have to evacuate the little New York City street and leave town forever and probably become the founder of Community Theatre in Westchester or Long Island.
Here is your final choice, but this one is easy as you have only one. Mel: Go see Dannyboy, Everhard, and Maggie’s comedy troupe at The RiFiFi Room?
Erik: Go to the Ponty Mython extravaganza?
Dan: Suddenly realize what a profitable endeavor opening a community theatre in Westchester would be and mysteriously leave town to become the founder before the others do?
Narrator: I said ONE CHOICE you morons!
Erik: Oh, how many was that?
Mel: Six I think.
Erik: I thinkit was three. Let’s go through them. There was watching Everhard’s show, the Ponty Mython marathon, then Dan said….where is Dan?
Mel: I think he went to Westchester.
Erik: Well, how are we ever going to remember what his choice was….
Narrator: (sighs in frustration)Ladies and Gentleman, Slightly Known People.